Premonition and the Shocking Beginning
On the eve of February 24, 2022, Anastasiia, like most Ukrainians, refused to believe in the possibility of a full-scale invasion. She perceived it as an absurd panic-mongering, an inappropriate joke. "No one expected a war. I thought it was some kind of nonsense and fear-mongering... We were told to 'Go have a barbecue,' somehow it all seemed so unserious," Anastasiia recalls of a time when carelessness still reigned. She and her fiancé had just moved into a new apartment, and even the owner's question about the likelihood of war was met only with smiles and disbelief.
However, a few days before the invasion, Anastasiia was gripped by a strong, inexplicable premonition that gnawed at her from the inside. "For some reason, I really wanted to go home to my parents... literally a couple of days before the invasion! I'll go home, because what if I don't see them again..." This feeling was so powerful that she set off for her parents' house. On her way back, she neglected to refuel her car but instinctively withdrew cash, guided by the principle: "you should always have cash, anything can happen, the system could collapse at any moment, banks might not work." This decision proved to be a lifesaver.
During the night, she imagined seeing ash falling from the sky outside her window, but it was only snow. Yet just four hours later, around 4:30 a.m. on February 24, Anastasiia and her fiancé were awakened by hellish, deafening explosions. "We woke up to strong explosions... Those are probably the most vivid, the very first memories, because I shot up so quickly." From the windows of their apartment in Northern Saltivka, a terrifying glow was visible. The initial thoughts were confused, even absurd, desperate attempts to find logic in the chaos: "Maybe it's fireworks? What kind of fireworks could it be? For some reason, it immediately clicked for me: the war has started. And at the same time, I had the thought that it was some stupid guy. It happens. And so I stand there and wait. I thought, if it happens again, then that's it. But then—another explosion. I was like: no, if it happens one more time, then it's definitely it. The war has begun."
Without hesitation, Anastasiia started calling relatives and friends, desperately urging: "Wake up, the war has started! Pack your things, get out!" She was overcome by an uncontrollable rage, burning inside, because they had been attacked. Because of the criminal lack of timely information and support from state structures. "I was so enraged that it had all started, that no one from the government had even come out with a statement to stay calm, or that 'we are figuring out what happened.' Just zero, no services were working. Nothing was working at all. There was a feeling that they knew about this..."
This feeling of helplessness, abandonment, and lack of instruction was deeply insulting and exhausting for her. "For some reason, it really hurt me that the president made his address around 7-8 a.m., but the conversation with the American president was at 6. And it got to me: well, why not to the people first? ... I had emotions and thoughts like: What should I do with my family? What should we all do, what are the instructions? ... Nobody needs us. I just have to get a grip and do what my parents taught me, how to act in a critical situation, and that's it. Because those go-bags, well, who took them seriously?"
Life Under Fire: Bone-Chilling Fear and Unbreakable Resilience
Anastasiia and her fiancé moved to her parents' village, 70 kilometers from Kharkiv. However, there was no desired peace there either. The eerie sounds of shelling, fighter jets flying over, and machine-gun fire were constant. They lived in a state of heart-squeezing anticipation, waiting for the next shell to land directly on them.
Fear became an integral part of their daily life, invisible but omnipresent. "I was very scared to sleep by the window. I remember how I forced myself, so they wouldn't think I was a coward. You know, like I'm so brave. I forced myself through it." Anastasiia forced herself to be brave, even when everything inside was trembling with unbearable terror.
Direct Hit and the Adrenaline of Survival: The Fight for Life
On March 8, the first direct hit occurred in their village. "On March 8, it hit our area for the first time... At first, I didn't understand what had happened... Dad said: quickly, into the corridor. And we all ran." It was chaos, but the family acted in unison, counting the explosions. "I remember, I fly in. I was so scared, so to speak, she remembers everything, but to me, it felt like it was lasting so long. I still, I say, my hands just go numb, you know, everything in me, it just went. It really, you know, just went numb."
After a hit on the neighboring house where her classmate Alina lived, Anastasiia felt a massive surge of adrenaline pulsing through her veins. Without thinking, she ran to look for her, finding her with a child in her arms, completely bewildered, frozen in shock. And again, she was seized with fury, but this time at the blatant indifference of those around her: "I'm just looking, this is my feeling, my perspective, and everyone around was just sitting there: oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, poor thing, she has a child. For God's sake, look at her, cover her with a blanket. You see she has a child in her arms. She's in shock. Well, give her a hint, help her. And everyone just sits there oohing and aahing, it made me so furious then." Anastasiia got a hold of herself, found Alina's husband, and helped get things and formula for the baby. It was a moment when she realized that in stressful situations, she acts most effectively and decisively, no matter what.
Tragedy in the Neighbor's House: A Soul-Shattering Scream
After they learned about the hit, Anastasiia and her family rushed to the destroyed house. "We ran to it. Mom already knew that the plane had been found. And that nothing more would happen. We started to get ready and ran to see where." What they saw was horrific, unthinkable: the house completely destroyed, turned into a house of cards, a symbol of despair. "We saw that the house was completely destroyed, collapsed like a house of cards. They all left, they showed the gym. Her classmate's phone, I beg you, bring it, maybe it was possible. They were pulled out. The grandfather was eventually pulled out, but her grandmother and her older daughter were under the rubble."
At the moment when rescuers and local residents were clearing the debris, a piercing scream rang out, a scream Anastasiia remembers to this day, a scream that chills to the bone and gives no peace. "And what I heard then was a piercing scream. They were sitting in different corners. The grandmother with the older daughter, and she was holding the younger one tightly, because to place, if I understand correctly, how they were sitting there. They sat on different sides. And that side, where her older daughter and the grandmother were sitting. I think, probably, the only good thing is that I went through this today. I hope it happened. Then again." This scream belonged to a mother who realized with horror that her younger child, who had been with the grandmother and older sister, had not survived under the rubble. This moment became one of the most painful, deepest memories, etched in her memory as a symbol of the senseless cruelty and unforgivable crime of war.
Conflicting Feelings and Forced Emigration: A Heartbreak
Despite all the horror, they tried to treat the situation with humor, as a new, cruel reality, just to keep from going insane. "I just accepted it as reality. Well, you know, we're living in a historic time. Ha-ha-ha, somehow we took it all with humor to a certain extent, in the sense that we are alive, thank God. So be it, it must be so. We have to wait, observe, not make any hasty moves. You know, like tearing your shirt off. It's no use to immerse your head in this so much, because it can pull you in, you'll just fall into this depressive state, in this game that you can't influence in any way." This was their way of preserving their sanity in inhuman conditions.
The decision to leave her parents was the hardest, most heart-wrenching for Anastasiia. "It was such a difficult decision because I couldn't make it, not to abandon my parents in my understanding. It felt like a betrayal, that they were staying there, and all they wanted was for us to go somewhere." At first, the family moved to the Poltava region, and then, in August 2022, Anastasiia went to England. This step was unexpected, as she had no plans to leave Ukraine at all. She went with a friend and her young child, viewing it as a temporary measure, just for a month, to help her friend adapt.
A New Life in England: Challenges, Adaptation, and Relations with Locals
The journey to England was long and exhausting, lasting almost two days with transfers. "I was so glad that we had arrived. I was so glad that we were finally here." Upon arriving in England, Anastasiia faced new challenges: adapting to an unfamiliar environment, new people, and a language barrier. "Adaptation, what is unclear, unfamiliar people? The thought... I came with the confidence that I knew English. Well, not enough to understand, I found out there's no room for that. I was just always worried, I even know Russian poorly. And when I arrived, I was sure that my friend knew it well, when we arrived." This required extra effort from her to learn the language and integrate into the new society.
The first months in England were filled with uncertainty and anxiety. Anastasiia lived with sponsors who gave her shelter. It was a new experience of living with complete strangers, but she notes their kindness and selfless support. She actively tried to learn English to better understand those around her and build her own life. She attended language courses and communicated with local residents, overcoming her own insecurity and shyness.
Relationships with local residents varied. Some were very open and compassionate, offering help and support. Others, perhaps due to ignorance or their own problems, remained more distant. Anastasiia understood that not everyone could fully comprehend the depth of her experiences and trauma. However, she always felt respect for herself and for Ukraine. She noticed that British people are generally very polite and ready to help if you ask them. She also found a community of Ukrainians, which became an important source of support and communication in her native language, a comfort in a foreign country.
Anastasiia actively sought opportunities to help Ukraine from abroad, supporting volunteer initiatives and information campaigns. She understood that her voice, even from a distance, could be important. She also tried to find a job to support herself and be independent, as her initial arrival was linked to helping her friend.
The Birth of a New Life: Light Through the Darkness, Bringing Hope
Some time after arriving in England, Anastasiia's life was filled with a new, unexpected, and profound meaning – she found out she was pregnant. This news, despite the difficulty of the situation, brought unspeakable joy and a ray of hope that dispersed the darkness. "When I found out I was pregnant, it was something incredible. I felt such a mixture of emotions – from fear to immense joy. It was like a ray of light in this darkness that surrounded us."
Pregnancy in a foreign country, far from relatives, was a serious challenge. Anastasiia faced bureaucratic difficulties and the need to adapt to a new healthcare system. However, the support of her sponsors and newfound friends helped her overcome these challenges. "It was very difficult because everything was new – the doctors, the system. But the people here were very kind, they helped me with everything. I felt their support, and that gave me strength."
The birth of her child became a turning point, the start of a new life. "When I first held him in my arms, I felt a love I had never felt before. It was absolute happiness, a true miracle. All the fears, all the worries, faded into the background. I was just grateful for this gift of life." This experience gave her a new reason for being, strengthening her unwavering determination and unbreakable resilience. She realized that now she had one more reason to fight and believe in a better future – a future for her child, a bright future she strives to build.
